Stuttering

I know I blab a lot.  And sometimes I don’t make any sense.  But this is a whole new level.

For a grown-ass woman such as myself, I cannot believe I still act like a love-struck teenager with a crush when I talk to a guy –  okay, so maybe I like him a little.  I am usually pretty confident and I get in “professional” mode when I talk to a guy… to hide my attraction.

I was on this hiatus (antisocial, depressive, moody) state – still am, when I got ecstatic over a small achievement.  Finally, my car’s fixed.  It may not be an achievement for others, but for me, who know nothing about cars, it’s an achievement.

Anyway, I plan to see my friends for coffee to celebrate my small / major achievement.  I invited few people including this guy.  Not exactly my idea but I played along.  Besides, they said they want to meet on a weekday.  I was the only one enthused.  So here comes invites.

I then asked this guy thru text if we could do the “gathering” at his place. I was only expecting a text back but lo and behold, he called – asking when we want the “gathering” and who else are coming.

He caught me on a bad day.  I was sleepy, haven’t had coffee, gibberish, I stuttered, I wasn’t making any sense, and I talk too fast.  He was just quiet while I blab. I thought that’s it… I really blew my chance with this guy.  He must think “what the hell is going on”.

Anyhoo, he was patient enough.  He repeated, in his own understanding, what he thinks I was trying to convey.  Well, he gets me.

Furthermore, after a few minutes of contemplation, I sent him a message of confirmation and blamed my blabbering state to sleep deprivation and no caffeine.  And everything went well, for a while.  But after days of planning, everyone cancelled- typical barkada plan.

I don’t know what it is with driven, put-together, knows-exactly-what-they-want, decent, Christian men that gets me weak in the knees? Duh! Of course I know.  This guy makes me feel uneasy from the first day we met.  I can’t make eye-contact and I’m uncomfortable.

Woman, better keep it together!!!

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